tell your sister to shave her snatch
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
