Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
