the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's never too late to be topless.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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