I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
