you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
