I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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