Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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