Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
