Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
