at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
