I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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