I can tuck mytits in my pants
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
