you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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