I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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