I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
