Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
we should paint friendship bongs
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