oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's blow job season.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
