i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
