Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
