from now on my penis is your penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
