I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
