Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
