Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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