i need an iv and a liver transplant
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
