1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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