this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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