i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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