One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
