How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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