R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i out mim tonsoeep
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