Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
