I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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