on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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