So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
