They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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