i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
