Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
