he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
