Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
