I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
