I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
