He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
