what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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