No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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