PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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