I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
