Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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