I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
In America we eat man semen.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
