The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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