You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
