You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
