I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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