what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
