My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
