so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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