I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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