Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
